We're doomed

[Pistachio]

Strange lights seen in sky

I don't believe them. It's all a cover up by the authorities. Quite clearly, this is the start of an evil alien invasion.

I am posting this from my secret underground bunker that I have had installed in my house, paid for by my overinflated daily rate and ridiculously high and unreceipted expense claims - normally I would be careful, but I knew this day would come soon and figured that a HMRC investigation wouldn't happen before judgement day.

I have told my client that I am working from home today, they complained a little but I reminded them that I am my own boss and they have no control over me, but as a sweetener I have sent a substitute in my place... my worst enemy. It wasn't nice pretending to be nice to him all these years, but keeping your enemies close does have its benefits when you can send them off to work in full knowledge that by the end of the day they would have suffered horribly by some alien death ray.

So good luck to all of you remaining on the surface. I have plenty of pot noodles and tins of soup, I will return to the surface in the future and lead the survivors back to prosperity. Viva la revolution!

[curleyted]

Somebody needs to lay off the happy sauce......

[Pistachio]

curley, it pains me to think of you disintegrating into mere molecules once the alien death ray has focused on you, but I find comfort in the thought that as you feel the tingling sensation of all your atoms parting in separate directions your last thought will be:

"Bugger, Pistachio was right"

[curleyted]

No death rays yet.....

[Pistachio]

Give it time. Evidentally, just like in Independence Day the aliens are using our own satellites to synchronise their attack. Probably just been distracted by a repeat of Homes Under The Hammer or something like that.

(Of course, please ignore the glaring plot hole in Independence Day where the aliens have travelled billions of miles yet failed to have a way of communication between ships without using the Vodafone network)

[The SMG]

"Bugger, Pistachio was right"

[Pistachio]

You all mock me, but look!

Black clouds turn Beijing day into night, seven killed

Do you really believe this is natural phenomenon?

[Chorltonwheeler]

I like the way that the most dramatic thing they can say about the authorities' actions was that they were forced to turn on some streetlights.

How do we know that isn't just night-time?